


Decalcomania

by Ava_Dahl



Category: jikook - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Jeon Jungkook is Whipped, Kim Taehyung | V & Park Jimin are Best Friends, M/M, Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, Unrequited Love, bts - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:34:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_Dahl/pseuds/Ava_Dahl
Summary: In which Jungkook realises that he's horribly, stupidly, irrevocably in love with his best friend... Park Jimin.~When I see you smile in the screenYou're good at everythingYou're just perfectFeels like I've never been youDo you even see me?Do you know who I am?Or how do I look now?You don't like me like thatCome and tell me so much, beautiful heartOh I'm gonna listen to you..Please..All the numbers too bigCan't get out of your gameOh I want to paint it like you..Please..I want to be your decalcomaniaI want you..I want to be your decalcomaniaI want...I want you.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V, Jeon Jungkook/Kim Taehyung | V/Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 24





	Decalcomania

The moment Jungkook realised he was in love, it had felt like a bomb going off. Loud; deafeningly so, the world shifting and tilting beneath his feet until he'd had to grab the nearest surface just to steady himself. There had been no obvious catalyst; nothing Jimin had said or done to elicit the earth shattering realisation. 

In fact, he'd seen him do the same thing hundreds of times before, thousands maybe. He'd been sitting on the barstool in the kitchen, bare faced and crumpled from sleep as he flicked through his phone. Doom scrolling while he slurped his noodles loudly into his mouth with the other hand.

But there had been a moment. A single instant when Jimin had bent his head, revealing a slope of vulnerable pale skin at the nape of his neck, that had caused something inexplicable to move through Jungkook. Something final and life-changing.

The closest he could get to describing it was a fierce and crushing need to protect. As though should anything dare harm the person perched on that stool in plaid pyjamas, tapping his leg furiously as was his habit, then Jungkook would destroy that thing, crush it to nonexistence. He loved the others deeply, more than friends and closer to brothers, but deep down he knew it was different. That probably, in some way, it always had been.

In that moment, he saw it all so clearly; as though a haze had lifted from the world and it would never look the same again. It prickled over him, a hot peeling sensation that started at the top of his head and rippled down over his entire body. It was a forceful, powerful thing, but it was also soft, so tender and beautiful in fact that he'd felt the prick of tears at his eyes from the sensation of it.

If Jimin were to have lifted his head then, Jungkook was sure he'd have seen it in his eyes.

Then Taehyung strode in. 

He stopped behind Jimin, crowding over him to look down at whatever had captured Jimin's quiet attention. Close, always so close. Envy thrummed inside him. He had experienced this brand of envy before; whenever Jimin chose Tae to flop himself next to on the couch, or share a room with on tour, or shower with after practice. But this Jungkook had always attributed to his own singular neediness. His own resentment at being the baby. At being last. Tae and Jimin had always been this way; just as Seokjin and Yoongi would gravitate toward each other, and Hobi and Namjoon would do the same. It left little room for Jungkook. 

But he watched them now with an enriched jealousy, more vivid, new. He loved Taehyung more than most people; he was hard not to love. Confident and gentle, with a calm manner that everyone adored, he was one of his best friends. He didn't like this unfamiliar sensation taking up space inside him now.

"Look at Hobi's face," Tae remarked with a deep chuckle. "He always looks so happy."

"Look at my face, I always look so miserable," Jimin said, laughing. 

Tae made a soft noise of disagreement. "You don't look miserable. Jungkook-ah, come and see. Tell him he doesn't look miserable." Taehyung moved to pull out a barstool, sliding his tall body onto it gracefully. 

"Jungkookie looks so cute, ahhhh look at him!" Jimin laughed brightly, looking up at him with a smile. The direct light of Jimin's attention on him then had startled him. His mind still reeling; strange and slow, his equilibrium not quite re-entered. He crossed the kitchen to peer across the counter at the screen. It's the interview they did for an online fashion magazine a week or so ago. His eyes glance over the screen landing on Jimin, as he now realises they always do when he's looking at new shots, or the new MV, or the latest episode of the show. 

"You don't look miserable," Jungkook mumbled. Had his voice sounded strange? Guilty? Frightened? Jimin didn't look miserable, he looked... thoughtful... distracted, maybe. "What were you thinking about?" He asks him just as Jimin reaches out to skim his thumb gently over Jungkook's upper lip.

His breath stills, his heart stuttering to a complete standstill. The look in Jimin's eyes is warm, the dark pools of rich brown are round and soft. 

"You had milk there," he says casually. Jungkook thinks then about how Jimin's smile is like when the clouds part to reveal the sun. "Mm, I don't remember what I was thinking about kookie, jjajangmyeon?" He laughs and Tae joins him.

Jungkook smiles before excusing himself to go shower. 

That was three weeks ago. And since then Jungkook had spent every waking moment of those three weeks trying to undo this thing. This thing he was sure he alone had caused. This thing that had slipped under his skin and into his heart and mind and refused point blank to leave. Perhaps if he could figure out how it had happened then he could retrace his steps, undo it, go back to the way things were before? Before the bomb went off. 

Except, he soon realised that it hadn't been one thing he'd done or Jimin had done. Falling in love with Jimin had not been a loud awakening inside him. It had been slow. Painfully, achingly, slow. A time lapse film but slowed down, not sped up. A flower blooming to life. It had sprawled and stretched through him little by little until it filled his entire body. He would need to dig himself out from the inside to be rid of it. And really, when he thought about it properly, he wasn't sure he even wanted that.

All he wanted was for it to go back to how it was. When Jimin was his best friend. The one who always knew when he needed a hug, or some praise, or to be left alone. The one who knew these things just by a single glance in his direction. 

Now the curve of Jimin's jaw as he threw his head back to laugh could make Jungkook's breath stop. Now the peppery scent of Jimin after practice could cause his pulse to thunder and his mouth to water. Now the sound of Jimin's voice just after he woke up could send him rushing to the bathroom to deal with an obscene ache between his legs. 

Three weeks after the day in the kitchen, Yoongi knocks on his dorm room door. By some miracle of timing, the room switch had happened two days prior to the bomb going off, and Jungkook had been enjoying a room of his own since. Could he have handled sharing his space with anyone right now? No, absolutely not. Had he even contemplated what would happen should he pull Jimin out of the pot at the next room switch in six weeks' time? Also, no. Please God, no. 

"You ready?" Yoongi asks as he pops his head in. 

"Huh?" He looks up, flicking his hair out of his eyes as he settles the guitar down on the bed

"The song?" Yoongi says. It hits Jungkook like a truck. Fuck. He'd forgotten entirely. Today Yoongi had cleared an hour to record it for him. The song. The song he'd written the day after the bomb. The song he'd written about Jimin. "You still want to do it?" There was a note of impatience in Yoongi's voice, which wasn't entirely uncommon when he was busy and stressed. And with their schedules as they were, he was busy and stressed. Not wanting to be disrespectful or waste his time, he nods and jumps up from the bed, grabbing his phone. 

"You need to shower," Yoongi says as he closes the door to the studio behind them. It's a gentle suggestion, said in Yoongi's typical style. "Having the single room isn't an excuse to leave hygiene at the door Jungkook-ah."

"I know, I know," he replies, faintly embarrassed. Though if he was honest with himself, and that seemed to be his speciality these days, he hadn't really felt like doing much of anything. All he wanted to do was sleep, play guitar, and think about Jimin before going back to sleep. His appetite had all but disappeared too. He couldn't even remember the last time he worked out. 

The door clicks locked and Yoongi gestures to the couch as he goes to pull up the file on the computer. "When did you send it to me...." Yoongi murmurs, leaning closer to the screen, eyes screwed up in concentration. "Ah.. no.... Yeah... there it is..." He's barefoot and has one leg tucked under him in the chair, the other tapping the floor melodically.

Jungkook observes him. He's always thought this is where Yoongi looks most comfortable in his own skin, here in this room with his 'friends' at his fingertips. He could make music blindfold, with one arm tied behind his back. Jungkook admires it so much. To be so obviously and ridiculously talented at something he could do for the rest of his life. Jungkook could sing, sure, dance, yes, but he wasn't the best at either of those things and he knew he couldn't do either of those things forever. That just wasn't realistic. Not like Jimin was at dance or Yoongi was at songwriting or production. As the sample track plays over the sound system in the room, Jungkook begins to hum along softly. 

"Whenever you're ready, Kook-ah," Yoongi says, quickly glancing at his phone. Jungkook stands, ties the hair up out of his face, and heads into the sound booth. There's a moment before he sings, where that familiar slink of fear moves through him, fear that Yoongi will know who the song's about. Will make him talk about it and think about it. Maybe even call Jimin in here and have him talk with him about it. The fear of that causes him to worry that maybe his voice has completely disappeared, and that when he opens his mouth, nothing will come out. But then Yoongi's low, steady voice cuts through the booth and he feels the panic ebb back. 

Jungkook opens his mouth, closes his eyes, and sings.

When it's over, he blinks open his eyes to see Yoongi watching him closely, a strange look on his face. 

Slowly, Yoongi leans forward to flick the mic on. 

"You want to go again?" Yoongi says. 

They do the track three more times, but both agree the first take was the best and that they're unlikely to outdo it. Yoongi says nothing else about the song and it convinces Jungkook it's terrible. He's at the studio door when Yoongi says his name. He turns back to see Yoongi watching him, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth.

"What's going on, Jeon?" Yoongi asks gently. 

"What do you mean?" Jeongguk shrugs. "Nothing."

Yoongi nods, slowly. "Right." Seconds pass, minutes maybe, as his hyung watches him, waiting. "Tell me about the song." He gestures toward the couch. 

"It's just a song." He doesn't move. He stays by the door, desperate to leave as all his fears hover on the verge on being toppled out on the floor of Yoongi's studio. 

He can't lie. He's always been terrible at it. The others tease him about it constantly, but it's never bothered him because lying isn't something anyone should want to be good at. Except now. Now would be a great time for a person to be a good liar. 

"No song is ever just a song, Jeongguk-ah." Yoongi brings his hands in front, clasping them together on his lap like a priest. "And I've never heard you sing like that before."

He can feel his ears warm. His cheeks, too. "Was I.. bad?"

Yoongi laughs, softly. "No, you weren't bad. You were just.... Different."

Different. Different was bad, surely?

"Yoongi-hyung, thank you for doing this for me, but I really need to go shower. Personal hygiene is important." He smiles, but the look that comes over Yoongi's face doesn't match it. He looks almost... sad. 

"You know I'm here if you ever want to talk, right? I'm right here. Always. Like I am literally, always, right here." He pats the swivelling chair and grins at him. Jungkook smiles back, unease lifting a little. Yoongi's smile had always had that effect on Jungkook. 

"I know. I know you are, hyung." 

As he comes out of the bathroom, clean and thoroughly exhausted, all he wants to do is sleep - creeping around the dorm trying to avoid Jimin's sleeping and eating cycle was tiring. His plan is to collapse into bed, watch some stupid cat videos on his phone, think about the mess of his life, and sleep. He's looking forward to the solitude of his room, but his bad luck just keeps on coming, it seems.

He opens the door to find Jimin sprawled on his bed, one leg bent at the knee and the other pushed out straight. He's wearing a stripy, wide-necked t-shirt and an oversized pair of sweatpants, his feet bare. His head turns as Jungkook enters. 

All manner of things float through Jungkook's mind as he closes the door behind him. Some which he's sure Jimin would laugh at, some which would make him wide-eyed and confused, many more that would disgust him and ruin their friendship - or whatever this now was - forever. 

"That was the longest shower anyone has ever taken, ever," Jimin says, flipping onto his side and propping his head up on his hand. "Have you heard of a little thing called the climate emergency?"

The proximity of him had already set his heart to quick, his palms dampening with sweat, his breathing shorter than he'd like. Had it really been three weeks since they'd been alone together in the same space? It seemed unbelievable to Jungkook, and yet it was true because he'd made sure of it. 

"Where's Taehyung," he asks, crossing to where he left his watch and phone. As he pulls his watch back on, his eyes fall on the tattoo on his finger which says 'JM'. 

"They went to get food. I told them to bring you some gimbap."

"Ah, I'm just about to go to sleep, Jimin-ah. You can eat mine." He says as he tries to ignore the strange fluttering sensation in the pit of his stomach. Jimin brushes a hand through his hair, sky blue fingernails disappearing through the thick dark lengths. He'd walked in on him and Hoesok painting each other's nails earlier. Jimin had offered to do his black. He'd refused, of course.

"I'm not that hungry either," he sighs. "Let's just sleep then." Arching his elegant dancer's body up off the bed, he moves under the covers, pulling back one side of the sheet for Jungkook to get in beside him. Some hot knot of something throbs in the base of his spine. Ignoring it, he turns to rummage for a pair of shorts to wear to bed. Though he's got dressed in front of Jimin a thousand times, he suddenly feels self-conscious, every part of his body hot and exposed. Holding a breath, he turns slightly, drops the towel, and pulls them on. 

Dressed, he evaluates the situation. If he asks him to leave, he risks hurting his feelings. Or worse, risks him knowing something is wrong. Since neither of those options feel good to Jungkook at that moment, he does nothing and moves toward the bed and Jimin. Sleeping together wasn't unusual either. Waking up to find Jimin or Taehyung wrapped around him, or each other, was a pretty regular occurrence.

But that was before. Before the bomb went off.

He wonders then what happened to Jimin's innate ability to know when to stay away from him, or indeed when to move closer. Perhaps he'd been giving off the wrong vibes today. He'd need to work harder, do better. If he could get some sleep, then he could work harder tomorrow. 

As he gets into bed beside Jimin, the first thing he notices is the heat. Unbelievable heat. He's unsure if it's his own or Jimin's. 

"I'm too hot," Jimin huffs, sitting up to pull off his t-shirt. His sweats follow and Jungkook has to turn his entire body away because he knows this will not be good. His blood is loud and hot in his ears, his heart rapid and panicked. He can't do this. He can't. I mean, it wasn't like he wouldn't be able to control himself, but the thing between his legs was another matter.

He's thankful he'd at least had the foresight to take care of it in the shower. But it wouldn't stay quiet forever. Not when Jimin was pressed against him like this, skin to skin, breath to breath. Jimin settles himself slightly diagonally, head nestled against Jungkook's back, feet kicked out of the bed to cool. Jungkook stares at the wall. 

"You've been weird," Jimin says after a few moments. "What's wrong?"

"Have I? When?"

"Today, yesterday, this week." Jimin is scrolling through his phone, his voice relaxed, half-distant.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just... tired. I hate the downtime, it always feels like the days are just slipping by... wasting away."

"Waste it on me..." Jimin sings, soft lullaby voice close to his ear. "Ah, you recorded with Yoongi-hyung today? How was it?" Jimin's voice is higher now, no longer distant. "He said you were great."

Jungkook stiffens. "He did?"

"He did. He never told us about the song though, let me hear it?" 

"It's not finished."

"So? That's never stopped you before, you're always singing songs that aren't finished, over and over and over..." Jimin points out. "Wait, were you singing it in the shower? I heard something." 

His cheeks flush pink and he feels it all the way to his ears. Had he heard him get off? Through the wall...? "Was I? Um, I don't think so..."

Jimin discards his phone and turns to focus fully on Jungkook. "Sing it for me now. I'm listening." He feels Jimin stroke a hand through his hair and it sends a shiver all the down his spine, right to his toes. Yeah, that isn't going to help anything. Jungkook turns onto his back, casting a brief look to the side.

Jimin has a hand under his cheek, his eyes wide and eager, though he widens them even further under Jungkook's gaze. He can't help but laugh; it's cute. Jimin was always the cutest thing in any room. He turns a little toward him and takes a moment then just to look at him. Just to check if perhaps this is all just silliness; maybe a weird mood he's going through because he's been in this strange headspace these last months since the world sometimes feels like it's ending, and maybe this isn't what he thinks it is at all. 

But a moment is enough.

He's in love with him, that was for sure. No one made him feel like Jimin did. No one could ever come close to making him feel like Jimin made him feel. This beautiful, magical, magnificent being lying next to him had captured his whole heart. He'd never seen a person so perfect. Everything about him was perfect. Honed. So very particular. He looked like a delicate sculpture of glass that might break if you hold it too tightly. Except Jungkook knew that wasn't true. Park Jimin was strong. In all the ways, a person could be strong. He was beautiful and strong, and Jeon Jungkook was desperately and inexorably in love with him. 

Before another thought moves through his mind, he moves his head forward and kisses him. He feels Jimin tense, but he doesn't move his mouth away and he doesn't stop it. In fact, Jeongguk feels the slightest yield to the soft - unimaginably soft - cushions of Jimin's lips, and they part slightly. When their tongues touch, a hot wet sliding of flesh, he feels it right between his legs. He moans, his cock hardening beneath his shorts. Jimin feels something too, because he pulls his head back away from his mouth, eyes rounded with shock and something else. Horror twists in his gut as Jungkook recognises the look: fear.

His own mind scattered, his heart thundering wildly in his chest; desperation kicks through him like a tsunami and he does the only thing he can think of then; laughs. 

"Oh, my god, Jimin-ssi your face," he laughs, and it doesn't feel pretend because it's fuelled by panic and fear and it rises from his gut into the sombre, heavy atmosphere of the room. He expects Jimin to laugh too - Jimin always laughed whenever he laughed, whenever anyone laughed. It was like a disease he'd had since birth. Jimin laughs more than anyone he knows - well, aside from Hobi-hyung. But Jimin doesn't laugh. What he does is worse, he climbs out of bed and gives Jungkook a look which makes his chest feel as though it's being crushed. 

"Why would you do that?" He asks, voice faraway, quiet. 

"Kiss you? To freak you out, I don't know. It was nothing, Jimin-ah, how else was I supposed to get you out of bed, eh? It's too warm and you take up too much room." Jungkook is still laughing, but it no longer has the loose, reckless feel it had before. It feels meaner now. Jimin is pulling on his sweats, and as he reaches down to pick up his T-shirt from the floor, Jungkook sees that part of Jimin's neck again, and it silences the last of his laughter. 

"If you wanted me to leave, you could have asked me to. You know, like a normal person?" 

This annoys Jeongguk because he knows full well that asking Jimin to do something he doesn't want to do is never as simple as that. 

"And give me one example when you have ever done as you're told?" 

"So you do that?" Jimin gapes, hurt still coating his voice. 

"Ugh, Jimin-ssi, I'm tired." Jungkook flips over onto his front and buries his head in the pillow to hide every single emotion he knows is dancing across his face. "Don't flatter yourself, I wanted to scare you into leaving me alone. It worked. So can you leave me alone, eh?" 

He doesn't hear Jimin move for some moments, but soon the soft sound of his feet moving across the floor, the noise of the door being opened and closed quietly, tells him he's gone. 

Jeongguk turns onto his back and lies staring at the ceiling. Guilty and sad. Then angry because if Jimin hadn't come in here, uninvited, then it wouldn't have happened. His head hurts so hard from thinking that he wonders if he's done something serious to his brain. He rolls over and looks at the clock. It's not even midnight. With a groan, he kicks off the blanket and thumps his fists into the mattress. Then with a sigh he sits up. He pulls on a t-shirt and thinks about going for a walk outside. But it's raining and cold, and so he dismisses it. He knows what to do. 

He's the only one of them who knows the code. The only one Yoongi trusted with it, he said. He's not sure if that's completely true, but it always made him feel lucky, anyway. He knows he's inside because his shoes are lined up neatly outside. There's a sliver of uncertainty. That disturbing Yoongi and being told to fuck off will only make him feel worse than he does now, but the need to speak to someone who knows him and who might be able to help him deal with this overrides that. He punches in the code quickly, not wanting anyone - Jimin - to find him here in the hall, and slips inside. 

Yoongi has his headphones on but senses him, turning to look over his shoulder at him. The look he gives him isn't an angry one - Yoongi rarely got angry anymore - it's not a surprise either. As though he knew Jeongguk would appear, eventually. Yoongi turns back, fiddles with something on the control desk, and then pulls off his headphones. 

"Sorry," he offers, rubbing a hand over his head. "I just thought...." 

"Ah, Jeongguk-ah, I was just about to take a break anyway," Yoongi says, moving to stand. His body is slightly hunched over and he stops to stretch out his small-ish frame, hands reaching up to the ceiling. He makes a satisfied groan as Jeongguk moves to sit on the leather sofa. When he's done, Yoongi moves to one of the cabinets next to the couch and crouches down. "Whiskey or Wine, Kookie?" 

He almost says both, but he glances over at Yoongi and tells him to choose. 

With a nod, Yoongi pulls out a bottle of wine from the fridge, uncorks it, and pours them each a glass without saying a word. Jeongguk sits up to take it from him and nods his thanks. He takes a large gulp of the dark red, his tongue swirling it around his mouth, then swallows. It's good. Sweeter, like he likes his wine. Like you like your men too, huh? Yoongi is savouring it too, lifting the glass up slightly to swirl it around. He sips quietly and delicately, licking the wine from his lips. Then he fixes Jeongguk with a stare. 

He'd given little thought to what he'd say to Yoongi once he got here. He just knew that of all of them, aside perhaps from Tae, Yoongi would be the most careful with whatever it was he did say. He wouldn't laugh or pity him, he wouldn't worry or try to parent him. He would just listen. Consider. And then advise. 

Jeongguk takes another large gulp of the wine. He mouths the words behind it, says them aloud in his mind, then repeats the process. And just like when he'd kissed Jimin - oh, what, three hours ago now - he doesn't think about it before he does it. 

"The song... it's about Jimin," he says. Yoongi holds his eye, unflinchingly direct. He sees his mind processing the words, what they mean. Then his mouth forms a soundless 'ah' and then he nods. Jungkook feels the burning of tears behind his eyes and without warning they slip out, unwanted, He doesn't feel sad, at least not about telling Yoongi anyway, but he feels something... It's a few moments later he understands what that feeling is. Hopelessness. Loneliness. It was the same way he felt when he'd come out the shower the first night he'd spent alone here, away from his parents. He wipes the tears away quickly, smiling up at his hyung as he lets out a little laugh. 

"Have you talked with him...?" Yoongi leans forward on his thighs, eyes fixed on him. 

"Jimin? Ah, no. I don't... I wouldn't..." his words trail off. "That would be bad." Except things were bad now. He could barely look at him, be near him. He hated this. Hated himself. 

"Jimin loves you. You're his best friend," Yoongi adds. "He'd want you to talk to him about it." 

A spark of hope lights in Jeongguk's chest, but it flickers out almost immediately. "Taehyung is Jimin's best friend." Is what he says. It's childish, and he doesn't even know what he means by it.

Yoongi lets out a loud sigh and comes to refill his glass halfway. He fills his own a little further, which Jeongguk appreciates. Because while the first glass of wine always helped ease whatever was on his mind, the second and third ensured it settled back over him twice as heavy. 

"Anyway, I'm the last person he'd want to talk to right now," he lifts his glass and gulps. It's going down easier. 

"Oh, I doubt that.." Yoongi sips, observing him. 

Another sip. "Okay, well, what if I told you I kissed him? Then I made him cry..." He downs the last of the glass as Yoongi groans. 

"Ah, Jeongguk-ah... for someone so smart, you make some really questionable decisions sometimes." His hyung covers his eyes and makes an agonised noise. "Well, you've made him cry before.. You can fix this. As I see it, you're going to have to talk to him either way... And it's not like you can make it any worse." Jeonguuk gives him a look, raising an eyebrow. "No, you can't. We can fix this, you can fix this. I believe in you." And one of the men he admires most in the world is smiling at him with more belief than he knows he deserves. 

The sun is burning his eyes. Searing his hangover into his brain. He can hear the remnants of the alcohol sizzle and hiss. He rolls over onto his front and pulls the cover over his head. But someone is in the room, pulling open the blinds. Someone who does not give a shit if he finished a bottle of wine with Yoongi last night and is seriously regretting it now. He stiffens. Jimin? God, no, not yet. Not before he's showered or washed his face, brushed his teeth 

The covers are yanked from his body with force so he knows it's not Jimin. Jimin wouldn't dare. Likely candidates are Namjun or Tae, but Namjoon would only do it if he was supposed to be somewhere - and they did not need to be anywhere today. The weight on the bed shifts and he feels Tae stretch out next to him, brooding silence way too loud for his head. 

"Get up," Tae says. "We're going for a walk." 

"Find someone else to go for a walk with you. I'm tired." 

"It wasn't a request, Jeon, get up, I've turned the shower on for you." He sounds like his father then. And when he smacks him on the ass, hard, and slides from the bed, he wonders if maybe it is. Jungkook finally peels his head up from the pillow. Tae is standing at the foot of the bed, frowning. He's dressed, looking fresh and smart as always in a green high-necked sweater and dark brown slacks. His hair a tousled mop of perfection, as though he's spent an hour twisting each curl so that it sat just so. 

"He told you." He says. 

Tae raises a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "What do you think?"

"Fuck," Jungkook curses, burying his head back in the pillow. Well, he shouldn't be surprised. He went to Yoongi. If Jimin was going to tell anyone, it was going to be Taehyung. His skin scrawls with dread as he considers how that conversation had gone. 

"Get showered and dressed. I'll be waiting next door." 

And because most of the time he does as he's told by any of the elders, he drags his sorry state from the bed and goes to shower. Then he gets dressed: opting for comfort. Worn jeans, dark T-shirt, and plaid overshirt. He towel dries his hair and smooths some moisturiser over his face before shuffling with dread to the living room, holding his boots against his chest. Tae's sitting cross-legged and tall on the sofa scrolling his phone, but immediately slides it into his pocket and stands up as he enters. The apartment is eerily quiet, and he's starving, so he goes to the fridge to grab a yoghurt drink, then takes another and slides it into his back pocket. 

"Ready?" Tae asks. 

Jungkook nods, sitting by the door to lace up his boots. Tae stands and waits, silent and patient. He pulls on a large hooded jacket, feeling inside for a mask which he slips on before leaving the apartment. The sun is out, but it's not warm as they take a left outside the building and start walking. The air feels good on his face and he wishes he could take off the mask and pull down the hood and soak more of it in, but of course he can't. Neither of them could. The silence isn't as uncomfortable as it might have been - he and Taehyung have always been more than comfortable in each other's silences, even if this one feels slightly heavier than all the others.

"Where are we going," Jungkook asks as they cross at the crossing.

"We're just walking."

"Just walking...." Jungkook mutters, sliding up the mask slightly to gulp at his yoghurt. 

"If you wanna talk, feel free." 

"I wanted to sleep, you're the one who dragged me out here," he complains. 

"You've been sleeping a lot, JK, I thought the fresh air would do you good. That's all." He's irritatingly calm, and it stirs up something hot in him. 

"Oh, come on, just say whatever it is you want to say already so we can go home." 

"Okay, fine, you're an asshole."

Jungkook stops. "Is that it?" He makes to turn back.

"No, it's not it." Tae takes a step closer, towering over him. It's not threatening, not at all, but it makes Jungkook feel tiny suddenly. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

He begins walking again. Tae following. "I wasn't thinking, I was messing around. It was stupid, I was tired, and he was driving me crazy." And wasn't that the truth? 

"You upset him, Jungkook-ah," Tae frowns. "Like really upset him. I haven't seen him like that since... well, you know." 

Something shudders across Jungkook's chest, an echo of a memory. Holding a small thin Jimin in his arms as he cried. As his body shook with pitiful, angry sobs. As he gazed up at him with those wide brown eyes and told him he hated himself so much he didn't want to be here anymore.

How the fuck had his useless brain forgot that? Perhaps it was because Jimin wasn't that person anymore. He was so far removed from that Jimin that he was virtually unrecognisable. 

Fuck. What had he done? Panic then, at the thought that he could have anything to do with drawing him back to that place. That he could upset him to that degree. He'd always swore to himself that he'd protect Jimin from that. Do anything to make sure that never happened. Hell, protecting Jimin was all he wanted to do. Because he loved him. Because he was in love with him. 

"I need to talk to him...." he says, blinking. Tae nods, and it's only as they round the corner again that he realises where they are, where Taehyung has brought him. He stops, looks round and Taehyung. "He's in there?" 

Tae nods. "Don't fuck it up, Kookie-ah?" 

He hears the music as soon as he enters the building, the bass thumping loud through the walls of the studio, vibrating through his entire body. There are panels of glass cut into the door and he watches Jimin for some time through them, unseen. He took his breath away, as he always did, but watching him dance was always something dumbfounding. He moved like water, every movement so precise and smooth, his lean, powerful dancer's body never missing a beat. His hair was slicked back from his face with sweat, body soaked from it. The white top he wore clinging to every curve of his body, the jeans - only Jimin could dance like that in tight jeans - hanging low on his tiny waist. Need pounds through Jungkook then, a yearning so painful he wants to cry. 

With a deep breath, he pulls open the door of the studio and steps inside. 

Jimin sees him immediately in the mirror but his movements don't stop, they don't even falter. He holds his gaze in the mirror as he flies around the room in time with the solo he could dance in his sleep. In fact, he closes his eyes then and continues to dance. Long graceful arms stretching up, pulling back, his own yearning carved into every single step. Only when it was over did he open his eyes again.

Breathing hard, he meets Jungkook's eye, and as he does, a look settles over Jimin's face again. More than fear this time. Pain, hurt, betrayal. His hands shoved deep into the pocket of his hoodie, Jungkook ambles toward him.

Jimin sinks down into a cross-legged position on the floor, his eyes not leaving Jungkook's. He takes a seat next to Jimin, close but not touching, and pulls his knees up to his chest. How long they sit like that looking at each other in the mirror, he couldn't say, but it's long enough for Jimin's breathing to return to normal.

"I'm sorry," Jungkook says finally, settling his head on his knees. 

Jimin looks unimpressed. Unmoved, actually. His face hardens a little as he reaches down to play with a frayed thread on his torn jeans. 

"Please, Jiminnie..."

Jimin closes his eyes as though he's in pain. Shakes his head softly. "Don't do that... Jungkook." 

Jungkook reaches out then to take hold of his hand, sliding closer across the hardwood towards him. He strokes his fingers over Jimin's smaller ones, praying that he won't pull away from him.

He doesn't, he just looks down at their hands, sad. 

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to upset you... It was a joke. A stupid one. Tae said that-."

Jimin's head snaps up then, gaze piercing through him. "Oh, so that's why you're here? Because Tae told you I was upset?" He pulls his hand away. "So you wouldn't even be here, apologising if not for Taehyung? Well, that tells me all I need to know, Jungkook..." He moves to stand but Jungkook reaches out, grabbing a fistful of his top, soaked. 

"Please don't go, Jimin... I don't want you to go," it should embarrass him, the pathetic whine in his voice, but it doesn't, not really. Nothing mattered except this. Now. "Please don't go..."

Jimin looks down at him with a look so soft he feels his heart clench tight in his chest. "You hurt me... You, of all people." 

"I know."

"You laughed at me," Jimin says, tears glittering in his eyes. "You did that, and then you laughed at me. You of all people." 

God, this was the worst he'd ever felt in his life. There was no comparison. None. Tears rise behind his own eyes and he wants to say sorry again, but he knows it isn't enough. He searches his mind for other words, words that might fix this, might undo what he's done, but he has nothing. Vaguely he wonders if there are any English words he hadn't learned yet that might be enough. Then... he remembers.

He did have something. 

He lets go of Jimin's and stands, walking across the studio to where Jimin's phone is jacked up to the sound system. He removes the aux cable and slots it into his instead, flicking through it until he finds the file Yoongi sent him. Mastered. Short. Missing another verse and bridge at least. But it would do. He hits play. 

He watches Jimin as the track fills the room, watches his expression transform. Sadness to surprise, surprise to confusion, confusion then, Jungkook thinks, to understanding. 

When it's over, neither of them talk or move for some time. 

"Say it," Jimin whispers. "Say it to me, Jungkook."

"I love you..." he blurts, clumsily. It sounds so loud in the space, obnoxiously so. "I'm... in love with you." 

Jimin processes the words, nodding, and Jungkook thinks he's never looked more beautiful than he does right then. He wonders if maybe he's loved him the first moment he set eyes on him. Jimin moves toward him slowly, gracefully, and stops when their chests are gently pressed together. The scent of his skin floats up into Jungkook's nose and his tongue floods with want. 

"Say it again," Jimin whispers, his warm breath dancing over Jungkook's lips. His chest does a strange leap then, his cock nudging forward, hungry and hard. 

"I'm in love with you."

The smile across Jimin's face is slow, shy, and unbelievably cute. He giggles and places his hand flat on Jungkook's chest, over his heart. Then he bites his lip. That perfect, plush, pink flesh. "Taehyung said it would take you at least another two years to realise it, but I hoped he was wrong."

Jungkook blinks. "What...?"

Jimin giggles again, a soft breathy sound that makes Jungkook think of lazy Sunday mornings and warm bed sheets. Jimin reaches up on his tiptoes to brush his nose softly against his. "I've been in love with you for five years, Jungkookie... It's been pretty miserable over here.. on my own." 

"You... what? But..." Jungkook feels the floor disappear beneath him. "I don't understand? How is that...? Why wouldn't you say anything...?"

"Oh, really? Tell you? When you were terrified of everything and everyone? When you didn't even know who you were yet? I couldn't have done that to you." He shrugs. "So I buried it. Waited. Hoped." 

Jungkook feels like a bomb has gone off again. But this is louder than a bomb. More earth shattering, more life-altering. Jimin loves him back. Can he cry again? He wants to, relief and love so overwhelming he can barely think.

"Jimin-ah..." he says, but Jimin brings his mouth up and kisses the words away. Soft and pliant, hot wet lips sliding over Jungkook's own. When his tongue darts out, pushing in to stroke at his mouth, they both let out a soft moan. Jimin's higher in key, and softer. He slides an arm around Jimin's waist and pulls him close, tilting his hips into him, causing Jimin to moan lower. His hands climb Jungkook's chest, curling around his neck to pull at his hair. When Jungkook tilts his head to deepen the kiss, he feels something unleash within him and he has to pull back, afraid he might lose control and do something obscene here in the studio. He's panting hard, and Jimin's dark eyes are alight with a delicious hunger. 

"You're so beautiful," Jungkook says, an awed whisper. Jimin smiles, eyes disappearing into crescents on his high cheeks. "I don't know...." he shakes his head, embarrassed. "I don't know how to do this. Any of this." 

Jimin takes his hand in his, bringing it up to pepper the inked knuckles with soft kisses. "We'll figure it out together. Like we always do." 

"What will they say?" He thinks of Seokjin, of Hoseok, of Namjoon then. Wonders if they'll be angry, or worse, disgusted. God, this could be the end of everything. Horror leeches across his stomach, but when he looks up at Jimin, he finds his expression calm.

"Oh, they'll be relieved, trust me," Jimin rolls his eyes. "They've had to deal with me moping over you for years now."

He gapes. "They know?" Had Yoongi-hyung known? Had he been the last to know?

"Oh, Kookie, you're so bloody cute..." Jimin laughs, before kissing him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first ever BTS fic!! ,) Kudos and Comments are much appreciated!! ❤️Perhaps I’ll manage some smut next time!


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